I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
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Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
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Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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