can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
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we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
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You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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