hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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