How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
