That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
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