Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
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Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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