I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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