Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize