he thought i was a dude.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
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