Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
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