**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
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