Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
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let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
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He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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