So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
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I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
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