he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
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