dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
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You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
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The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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