this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
My ATM looks so different sober.
Let's paint friendship bongs
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He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
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On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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