After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
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She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
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Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
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