____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
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