is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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