yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
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