Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
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Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
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I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
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