Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
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