Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
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Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
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We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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