Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
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