Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
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you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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