If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
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i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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