I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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