you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Randomize