Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize