Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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