I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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