Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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