Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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