I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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