I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
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Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
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I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
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