If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize