i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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