Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I forgot how hot balto sounded
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
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