I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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