I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
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I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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