Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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