I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
The feeling are messing with the penis
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I don't want my vagina anymore.
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