He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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