I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize