Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
how does that bad decision feel?
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize