i permit you to call me
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I think I just shit out all my problems.
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