dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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