i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
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