Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
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