I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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